Brain Dump

It's twelve fifteen in the night and I am in a state of altered consciousness concocted out of an eclectic dose of tranquilizers, pain killers and 297 page technical specification document that I actually managed to read despite a bout of enfant fever.

(Waits for applause to die)

So, where was I? Yeah. Altered consciousness. Coming to the current state of affairs, Yes. I have been extremely irregular and unfaithful to my blog. And Yes. I feel terrible about it. And Yes. Irrespective of the number of excuses that I can actually come up (the typical software engineer spiel - too much of work, project deadlines, and wait for my favorite one, strategic realignments) , I have just been plain lazy. Despite my best efforts (ahem! ahem!), I have left my life to symbiotically swim with the same monotony that I have been trying to avoid.

So much for the disclaimers.

What have I been doing? Nothing. Many things. Not one thing that's of significance to be blogged about. Have been consistently clocking over half a day at work; As of now, it's officially been three weeks since I checked my email; Have been attending theater workshop sessions on Saturday evenings to leave just a speck of creative endeavors in my calendar. Have been watching lovely movies every weekend to make up for whatever drama is missing in my life.

My life is like a wild ride right now. Every moment in itself is so complete and hectic that you never stop to think where you are heading. You are content with the fact that you are moving, are led by a momentary purpose - a flicker of light. And time has this way of disappearing into nothingness under the blanket of monotony. Blink. Six months. Blink. An year. Blink. A life time. And before you realize, you have been going around and around in one vast vicious circle that will never take you anywhere. All you have been doing is to try finding your way through eternal darkness following a bunch of fireflies.

Too many things. Too many people. Too many fireflies.

I can only smile to myself for I know I have been here so many times. And I know what I have always done. I truly believe that every man is born with the power of choice. Destiny is always a straitjacket and you have the choice of either running away from it (All your life from one to the other) or stay put, face it and change it. And it's an amazing feeling to be able to say the magic word - NO - and change one's destiny. Tragic, that it's so difficult.

Every night, when I go to sleep, I play the CD titled classics after dark - an assorted set of wonderful instrumental pieces. I have never heard the last piece in the CD for I always fall asleep before I reach the end. And just a few minutes before, the CD ended. Guess it's a sign for me to go to bed.

May the force be with you all. Amen.